The Hills Blog

Sunday 8th March saw Hill-Jills take to the road all the way up to grey and gloomy Aberdeen, the ladies soon brightened the day with a ginormous 75-0 victory over the experienced Aberdeenshire Quines team. The beautiful, if slightly hugnover, travelling support made a massive difference on the day, motivating and encouraging the ladies, while reenacting the amateur dramatics performed by the baby-faced referee at every stoppage in play.
The Dawg got her bosh on and severely took care of the Aberdeen winger who kept coming back for more. Sneaking round the side of a scrum she ran into the forearm smash and bounced right back off again. Photographic evidence is available…
No 10 Jules controlled the game releasing the speedy backs and mobile backrow who made the most of possession behind the defence, quickly converting possession into points. And remember what points mean? Points mean prizes! Well…they might mean prizes if we get a squajillion bonus points before the end of the season to boost us to the top of the league.
Jules also cracked open the classic dummy-to-no-one move, always a winner in touch, to cross the line for a few tries of her own. Caroline was solid at scrum half, and remained a little frightening on the bus trip home…but scary in a good way. Honest.
Joanie, now firmly out of retirement was on fire at back row, while newbie Kat put in a few good tackles, Wilko was solid in the contact, and Steph and Manners put in a good shift en route back from injury.
Good team play all round really, showing good shape and consistency in the absence of the internationalists who were absent on 6 Nations duty.
Now to the reeeeeal fun, a trip to Asda, with the bonus of a staff discount card, for some juice for the bus trip home, and on the bus the fun began. With some tunage from Jules dubious iPod playlist, and some singsong fun closer to Glasgow a good time was had by all. A mini bus court saw some punishments for bad behaviour. Some quite unforgivable in the humble opinion of newsteam- such indiscretions will be noted and dealt with at a later date, ahem….Steph and Kat.
Banter continued into the night back at Fortress Hughenden. Was good to see ex-enforcer Gail, and old-coach John on the bus trip, along with regular number one fan Lois.
Next Ladies outing is this Friday night, 27th March, at Fortress Hughenden, KO 1930. Some people say there’s some game on in Maryhill that night, but I heard Hughenden is the place to be. Be there or be square…

Hills took two teams to Cartha on a day full of glorious liquid sunshine and a serious chill factor. In non-rugby news newsteam nearly drowned in mud after aspirating a fair amount from the puddles while struggling up a hill that could well see them crowned Queen of the mountains in a Tour de France stylee, though hills always look bigger from the bottom, and I don’t know that this one would really see me in the running for a Lance Armstrong crown. Time will tell.
In actual rugby news Hills 1st and 2nd XV went home to Hughenden winners, the 1st team winning 20-11 in a game that was almost as exciting as watching the pitter-patter of raindrops in a muddy puddle. That same muddy puddle is where I stood for 2 hours after the game was moved from the first pitch to a roadside quagmire event. Faaaaabulous.
A come-down from the excitement and trials of Meggetland the previous week was evident, but it’s heartening to see the boys sticking in for a decent victory even when not on form. Cartha were nippy and whined, a lot, not so endearing in a big manly rugby man, but it seems to be a major tactic for them. They appeared to rely pretty heavily on their speedy wingers, kicking deep into the Hills half to release them. Kicks were fielded well by the Hills back 3 however, but dealt with less well leading to a fairly mind-numbing, frustrating game of kicking tennis, neither team being able to find touch.
The game was scrappy, and it was a disappointing performance after the previous week’s outing at Boroughmuir, but they won, and that I suppose is what matters…am sure they had a fair amount of pain to look forward to in training for the next few weeks.
Chosen one of the week was withheld for Cartha on account of a lack of talent on display. Instead the inaugural Chump of the week prize will be awarded. This is awarded for an outstanding judgement error by little Smith (HJRFC WAG) who rocked up to Cartha in a fetching pair of white canvas shoes. Now, as a dedicated follower of fashion I’m sure these might have been a good footwear choice for some kind of indoor event, or on a mediterranean boulevard, or even a paved Glasgow street on a dry day…but they would not feature highly in any top 20 list of appropriate footwear for standing in a muddy field, maybe lingering somewhere around the flip-flop/stiletto mark, at the far end of the sensible scale from waders…wet suit boots…wellies…and almost any other shoe imaginable.
So, lessons learned at Cartha:
If you’re going to kick it, make touch, please, for the love of God, make touch. You have no idea the pain you are causing on the sidelines.
If you look out the window and you don’t seem to be in the south of France, or sunny Spain, and you are going to watch some kind of sporting event, remember the girl who went to rugby in white canvas shoes. Take a moment and think before you get dressed.

The long awaited repeat of what can only be described as the highlight of last year’s social calendar. Some people think Jacko coming back is the big news this year. These people have clearly not been to Hughenden. Rarely has such a rich array of talent been concentrated in such a small area, it was quite a treat for the pint-sized crowd that turned out to watch.
There were some late alterations to the program, while other acts appeared to have been rehearsing for many months.
Hughenden has long been known as a melting pot of culture and integration, beautifully demonstrated by both the 1st XV and ladies head coaches who blacked out for the occassion, Kitch in particular doing his bit for political correctness with some free fruit provision for the crowd. Coach Keith took the stage with Mini the Moocher. Word on the street is he has put in hours of practice, and was often to be heard crooning across the hallowed Hughenden turf. He didn’t even need to look at the words…I don’t know if too much effort could be considered in poor taste in an informal, fun, non-competitive event…? Not that newsteam would ever think of suggesting that in his company. Nice shiny white teeth Keith, that shade of foundation really brings them out. Next up a special mention to Stuart Torbett for his fandabulous retro Elton John costume, he was unlucky to miss out on a place for his looky-likey effort, I think Torbett must be a happy sparkly person on the inside…just dying to get out, and Elton John gives him that chance. Ladies contribution was a slightly mixed up Barbie Girl rendition with a short Ken with long blonde hair taking a tall short haired Barbie for a ride. Poor to average, but definite points for bravery.
Poor to average you say? Yes, I did say that, and then out came Take That, and suddenly Barbie Girl sounded like the voice of an angel.
Choirboy Haddon looked a bit like a crazy doctor with his white sheet on, Angels had a rather effeminate torquoise wife-beater to entice the crowd with, while David clearly mis-read the memo and came as some chump out of East-17. Most of the boys seemed to have a fair amount of trouble reading the auto-cue, while some seemed oblivious to it’s existence and clearly thought they were taking part in some gymnastic event where getting on to a barstool and off it again was the major challenge for the night. This they did reasonably well, and appeared pleased with their own performance. Still they all joined in at the chorus, and may get some points for trying, sort of…and definite points for entertainment, in a car-crash entertainment kind of way.
Tonights winner was however…Steven Longwell with an almost tuneful rendition of…Mountains, I think. So well done him. Though I don’t think there was much effort made on the costume front…the bar will be raised for next year.
The hard but fair judging crew this year were Cammy K, Graham Physio and Kenny, who collectively entertained the crowd nearly as much as the performers, distinctly not sitting on the fence for any decisions. None of this niceynice Cheryl Cole rubbish. Make them cry, break them down, make them so ashamed they wish they were mute.
Angels was later to be seen making a quick exit by rolling down the stairs out onto the main pitch. It’s not really a big night till you’ve rolled down some stairs in a torquoise wife-beater.
Newsteam is already a little bit excited about next year…

And on the 7th day…there was to be no resting.
It was a while ago now, but definitely deserves a write up. Sunday 1st March saw Hills 1st XV travel to Meggetland to play Boroughmuir in the cup. At the very same time in a little less exciting place Hills Ladies took on Grangemouth in the Lady Cup.
So the wheels on the bus went round and round and we wound up in Edinburgh, with some nifty driving getting the bus over the teeny wee bridge down to Meggetland.
The day was Christened “No Respect Sunday” by coach Keith, and his chat seemed to do the trick, for a full match report with…details and stuff…see the shiny colourful homepage. The day is mostly a blur for me so I can’t remember much that happened. Mostly it went a little something like this (in a be-bop, hip-hop stylee…)
The bus…anticipation.
Arrive…excitement, fear, and waiting…lots of waiting.
Pre-match chat…oh my word. I want to be one of the chosen ones, I want to play for the badge…good chat. I was ready and raring…and I was only standing on the sidelines.
Warm-up…looking good, excitement.
Game…I think I may have died a little bit of excitement and fear, and general heart failure due to the aforementioned. I think I could feel actual heat coming from Keith with all the stress he was brewing…good travelling support definitely outvoiced the home crowd, if not outnumbering them. The boys were great. All of them, great effort, playing for each other, playing for the team, living up to the potential they always show a glimpse of. The older boys stepped up to the plate, absorbing the pressure, while the youngsters showed what it is that makes Hills special. They far out-played the Borougmuir boys who quickly lost the complacency they came into the game with.
The pack were outstanding in the contact area, quick and ruthless, fighting for everything, Davey was solid and injected a bit of imagination at scrum-half, and put in a fair shift in the breakdown, and the backs were switched on, effective….fabby
Most of the game was spent on the verge of tears, pridefearexcitement tears. The most painful kind. They fought it out till the end, with Boroughmuir finishing un-deserving winners, leaving with the results they’d expected, but certainly hadn’t earned. Hills couldn’t be faulted. The boys done good.
Chosen one of that week goes to Gaffer, who was playing in his 100th game, and scored an interception try.
Special mention to all. To the travelling support, to Keith and his heart-breaking-rousing-reduce-a-grown-man-to-tears team talks….maybe I’m just being a bit of a girl, but they actually really make me cry, to Grant for injecting a bit of calm to ice down the Keithy influence, and to Kenny for being Mr Organised, remembering all the things that everyone else forgets.
Well done, that Sunday was a day to be part of Hillhead/Jordanhill.

In other news across the city the girlies ran out massive winners against Grangemouth, setting them up for what will hopefully be a good run in the cup. They were to be found by the big bus in gathering darkness on the streets of Grangemouth like a group of hoodied yoofs bopping away to some tremendous old school dance choooons played by MC Wilko from her beautiful Wilk-mobile Pearl.

The end.