10th October saw Perthshire visit Fortress Hughenden. 10th October was also 3 and half weeks ago. Three and a half weeks is a long time in rugby, and an even longer time in rugby reporting, as we like to pretend this is. Unless you spend that 3 and a half weeks in solitary confinement, and preferably sensory deprivation, or you, you know, take notes or something, then the truth ferments and matures, becoming vintage truth – the kind that has some links to reality, but may not correspond exactly to, say, video evidence.
Luckily Mitchell Snr was reliable and punctual as ever with his match report, and Newsteam is too afraid to misrepresent Keith to forget who the Chosen One was, so this will become some semblance of truth, remembered fact and Bernie-fact, moulded together with due care and attention to produce Newsteam’s version of OldNews.
The game started out tight, with the few scores coming from penalties, expertly managed by Gussy. Hills stayed alert, kept their shape and eventually started making inroads, capitalising on Perthshire’s mistakes. The forwards did well producing clean ball for Haddon to distribute. Set-piece was looking strong with hard work from al 8 to keep the scrum solid, and some good tidy work from Rosey in the air to make the line-outs productive. The backs were looking lively with strong running from Mini on the wingand some good solid play from Gaffer at 12. Haddon had a good game again at 9, looking fresh and nippy doing a goodjob of annoying their scrum half.
So, many points were scored, most notably by Gus who has now scored approximately a gajillion points for Hillhead/Jordanhill(t.b.c. by Mr Statfact), and the game finished 42-9, another good bonus point win for the boys, closing out the game towards the end wit their superior fitness and composure.
And so, on to the real fun. Some way into the game an injury was sustained in the front row, Newsteam, being in the business of truth, and far from the realms of gossip or hearsay, couldn’t possibly comment on whether this injury fell into the “I got an owieee!” slightly saft category, or the “Aww…man, going to tape my head back together and stem the bleeding so I can go back on?” real manly type injury. Super-ref, Mr. England, however, felt suitably qualified to judge as he first enforced English rules, whereby a player can’t return to the field after being subsituted. Having been quietly and calmly informed by Keith that he may in fact have been mistaken and that the rules were slightly different on this sunny-side of the border, the referee chose not to backpedal, but instead upped a gear, stormed full pelt ahead and confirmed the injury, from 50 paces, as any good doctor might, as far too serious for the player to return to the field of play.
Calm Keith was a little ticked off, “Good Sir, I understand that you normally work in Englandshire, but those rules do not apply here, perhaps if you let me explain…? And pray tell, are you a medical professional? Might it not be more appropriate that our paid health professional decide whether the player is fit to return to the field of play?” said he, in words to that effect.
Ref, “Peeep! Peeep!” thinks…”Maybe if I carry on trying to set the line-out, and look the other way the scary man will go away and leave me alone…”
With no response from Mr England, calm Keith fumed back to his technical area, the referee continued to ignore the scary man, the ref assessor was seen cowering in the back of the stand and the game continued…
Another full set of awards for this week, the nod from boss man Keith went to hooker Hazzy who was instrumental in the smooth running of the set-piece, and put in a fair shift in open play. Well done Hazzy, Chosen One for the week. Ladies Choice this week goes to a player who is in the (un)fortunate position of having hit such a run of good form, performing consistently well, influential in all areas of play that he would have to do something fairly spectacular and super-human to get the nod from boss man Keith, however, the lady we asked was suitably impressed, so well done to Dougie Crichton, another great game at 8.
Chump of the week is this time awarded outside the field of play to Tailsy who managed to sustain an injury while waving his flag on the touchline. He was seen receiving close personal attention for his groin strain from physio Graham.
