The Hills Blog

Following their trip to the Capital for the Murrayfield game HillJills had a week off from league action, trained hard to build on the performance at Murrayfield, and trooped through to Peffermill to play Edinburgh Uni and put their training into action. With an unprecedented abundance of backs the Hills ladies have been converting some show-ponies to the forwards’ cause, so before we even start congratumalations to Lizzie, Caroline and Rhianne- you are no longer saft. Well…not all the time anyway.

A certain Miss Willis, founding member of the HillJills team, having joined the team as a centre in 1972, who made the step up to flanker, was heard proclaiming after the match, “God, I’m knackered, you have to work really hard in the forwards, it’s not like this in the backs…”. Not just a bunch of po-po’s after all eh…? Apologies accepted by the hard-working Hills pack I’m sure…

The game got off to a flier as the ball was spread wide from a scrum, following a kick off fail by the Uni, and little Pup scampered round their winger to run in a try from the half way line. Within not very many minutes she was on the run again, the Uni winger’s watching defeated as Pup upped a gear and pranced past…prancing and mincing were the order of the day for little pup, and she may well have scored 4 tries? Ridiculous…Moggs, added her fair share on the other wing hitting the ball at pace and unleashing some of Hills new moves on a staggered Uni defence. Moggs’ sticky mitts and aggressive running are giving the ladies some amazing options through the backs.

The forwards did well in the loose, though got a bit lazy in the contact, not turning over as much ball as they could have. The well drilled Uni side on the other hand were quick in support at the tackle situation winning some good turn-over ball. Some excellent shape and organisation in defence from Hills, seeing great communication and team working, saw the Hills close down any Edinburgh Uni threat, keeping their unbreached try-line intact.

Hills aggressive defensive line was impressive in stopping with everyone steppign up to the mark making some big tackles. Many tries were scored and HillJills try-line remained uncrossed, quite a feat this far into the season, the game finished 66-0. Coach Kitchener was a little green on the sideline after a riotous night in the capital, he reportedly didn’t appreciate having running touch and his repeated trips under the posts, but was pleased with the result nonetheless.

Chosen one this week was split three ways, between our prancey, dancey 11 and 14 and our newly blooded flanker Caroline who had a great game, dynamic and effective in the contact, and running well in the backs with some interplay with the Moggs to produce a few scores. Well done Caroline, Sarah and Moggs.

Chump of the week will go to Kitchener for the reckless abandon of drinking before a game, but well done to him for serving a more tha deserved punishment of running touch after our flying wingers.

Still to come are updates on the HillJills ladies’ league progress, and news and views from the Halloween Rugby Ball extravaganza!

And in the very near future we’ll know what became of Hills v Falkirk…Newsteam is already a little bit apprehensive in anticipation of a belter of a game. See you all there…

Well, again, at some point before now, on a Saturday, Morgan came to Fortress Hughenden to take on the mighty Hills. Mid-table Morgan have had an average start to the season, and as shown last year are capable of good things, so this game was a potential trip-up for a Hills team who’ve been closing out games without being spectacular.

From the stand it was good to see Marty back in the fold after a run of injuries plaguing his early season. There’s a lot of competition among the impressive Hills pack these days, playing more of a back 5 than a back 3 with quick dynamic players in the “Row”, Hills have been playing a high tempo game with the opposition having trouble keeping up.

So off to a fantabulous start we emerged, a wee smidgen late, from the clubhouse to see some good play between Fireman Stu and Dan-dan to feed a flying Dougie Crichton who whizzed past like a little quartered blur, on his way to running in a try from about 4 miles out, leaving Morgan players scattered in his wake. Morgan looked to come back from this early set-back, but faced with a scary Hills winger their overlap was lost to a fumbley-fumblerson knock-on, one of the few times when a quick fumble is not regarded a success…

The early score was a view of things to come, and Hills were quickly on the up, looking fresh and creative through the backs, with unrelenting quick, tough play up front from the forwards. The unfortunate loss of Cammy McCulloch, who’s had a good solid start to the season, to a shoulder injury saw a reshuffle in the backs. Dan-dan stepped up to the plate and slotted in at 10, with newbie Archie finalising this makeshift Hills back line.

Dan certainly did his bit at 10 looking dangerous on the ball, bossing the backs to release some impressive moves, leading to lots more scores. Newish winger Andy Leslie – the boy with the most beautiful hair – also deserves a mention for some good positive running, he linked well with the other backs, came off his wing, and made inroads into the Morgan defence. Rosey was influential as ever, winning ball in the loose. Vinnie had a few good runs, and the tactical replacement that saw the Goulden boy take to the field couldn’t have been better timed. The lifted Morgan pack encountered some solid close-quarters tackling and unstoppable running from the tight 5, making ground quickly, giving Haddon good clean ball to play with.

The young scrum-half had another good game, and is getting up to pace with the scrumhalf fitness, Newsteam was witness to some very welcome, entertaining hand-bags between the scrumhalfs at scrum time. Well done to young Haddon, we likes this.

Lots of points were scored, with an eventual scoreline of 55-6 the boys were looking good going into a hard few weeks of league action. Keith was impressed with the performance and was seen flashing his colgate smile post-match, the boys done good.

And with that smile the accolade of Chosen One this week goes to the very deserving Dan Witko, who looked impressive at 13, and stepped up a gear with his switch to 10 to run the show. With a try of his own, some dangerous running, good creative rugby from 10, solid defence and great organisation to keep the boys focussed and on track Dan-dan impressed the boss man this week. Also, as some of you may know the beautiful Dan features as a Scottish Rugby poster boy on some promotional SRU material, keep a spy out for him, gunshow and all.

Ladies choice this week, awarded to someone who came on and made a difference, and who has the added bonus quality of mystery, being a Hills newbie, goes to Archie. Well done boyo.

Chump of the week this week goes to a certain member of the Hills media team who accidentally left the first ever Radio Hughenden interview unrecorded as his phone technology got the better of him. Radio Hughenden may well feature as a Christmas Special, once we’ve pinned down our interviewees…any requests or ideas send them our way. So chump of the week, in the interests of anonymity we will not be pointing any fingers, in any particular Stuart Munro shaped direction…

The 2XV boys were in action at Hughenden mid October aganst West of Scotland. Having won their league early doors last year Cahoon and Gareth’s team were set for a hard season this year. The loss of a number of players, including a few heading on up to the first team has hit the 2’s hard, they’ve put in a good showing this year but are struggling with the standard. Playing in the top 2XV league they are excelling their 1XV counterparts, and playing against teams of a similair standard to those in Prem 2/3 – so say the crowds.

The frustration of constant squad changes isn’t something to rattle King Cahoon, however, laid back as ever, verging on horizontal at points, the silver bullet has kept his boys heads up and there has been some good rugby on show.

Without the luxury of an actual match report to nab bits from this will be an assortment of remembereds. There was some good interplay in the backs, some strong running breaking the West line, but a lack of sharpness in support meant little was made of these chances. The back row did well through the middle of the game, strong in the contact, and running with the backs, however with some slow distribution the sharper West defensive line were able to smother any Hills possession.

Special mentions this week to Orange Boots(Oh my! Just like in the first blog? Well, the same but different. Different man, different boots, different skills…same colour?) well done to Smiley Scott Busby who looked dangerous in attack, running some good lines, gaining ground, and tireless in defence, kept his head up when some others seemed to have given in. Also a mention to Cammy Hogg, returning from injury to the back row, who ran his little socks off, looked dangerous off the back of the line out and out running with the backs, back to full fitness he’ll be a dangerous asset in this league.

Awards this week, from King Cahoon the Chosen One is Andrew Jebowski, the guy who looks like Richard Nixon…who played well and consistently, covering some positional changes and saving a few points with his relentless last line of defence. Ladies Choice, from special guest lady, who was, it must be said, not terribly impressed with the performance as a whole, was Carlos the speedy winger, who put some good pressure on the West back 3, but didn’t have much opportunity with ball in hand.

All in all, not a great result, but some flashes of good rugby. It’d be good to see a bit more support down for the 2XV, they’re holding the fort in a very hard league this year, in the unfortunate position of being subject to smash and grab raids on their squad when the firsts are struggling – Granty does the smashing, Keithy does the grabbing…quite a team really.

So get your bahookies down to watch the 2XV if you’re not keen for being travelling support, introduce yourself to King Cahoon, buy him a drink, and you may get a free match analysis session in the bar post match in his dulcit Irish tones. You don’t have to listen, just let the Irishness lull you.

10th October saw Perthshire visit Fortress Hughenden. 10th October was also 3 and half weeks ago. Three and a half weeks is a long time in rugby, and an even longer time in rugby reporting, as we like to pretend this is. Unless you spend that 3 and a half weeks in solitary confinement, and preferably sensory deprivation, or you, you know, take notes or something, then the truth ferments and matures, becoming vintage truth – the kind that has some links to reality, but may not correspond exactly to, say, video evidence.

Luckily Mitchell Snr was reliable and punctual as ever with his match report, and Newsteam is too afraid to misrepresent Keith to forget who the Chosen One was, so this will become some semblance of truth, remembered fact and Bernie-fact, moulded together with due care and attention to produce Newsteam’s version of OldNews.

The game started out tight, with the few scores coming from penalties, expertly managed by Gussy. Hills stayed alert, kept their shape and eventually started making inroads, capitalising on Perthshire’s mistakes. The forwards did well producing clean ball for Haddon to distribute. Set-piece was looking strong with hard work from al 8 to keep the scrum solid, and some good tidy work from Rosey in the air to make the line-outs productive. The backs were looking lively with strong running from Mini on the wingand some good solid play from Gaffer at 12. Haddon had a good game again at 9, looking fresh and nippy doing a goodjob of annoying their scrum half.

So, many points were scored, most notably by Gus who has now scored approximately a gajillion points for Hillhead/Jordanhill(t.b.c. by Mr Statfact), and the game finished 42-9, another good bonus point win for the boys, closing out the game towards the end wit their superior fitness and composure.

And so, on to the real fun. Some way into the game an injury was sustained in the front row, Newsteam, being in the business of truth, and far from the realms of gossip or hearsay, couldn’t possibly comment on whether this injury fell into the “I got an owieee!” slightly saft category, or the “Aww…man, going to tape my head back together and stem the bleeding so I can go back on?” real manly type injury. Super-ref, Mr. England, however, felt suitably qualified to judge as he first enforced English rules, whereby a player can’t return to the field after being subsituted. Having been quietly and calmly informed by Keith that he may in fact have been mistaken and that the rules were slightly different on this sunny-side of the border, the referee chose not to backpedal, but instead upped a gear, stormed full pelt ahead and confirmed the injury, from 50 paces, as any good doctor might, as far too serious for the player to return to the field of play.

Calm Keith was a little ticked off, “Good Sir, I understand that you normally work in Englandshire, but those rules do not apply here, perhaps if you let me explain…? And pray tell, are you a medical professional? Might it not be more appropriate that our paid health professional decide whether the player is fit to return to the field of play?” said he, in words to that effect.

Ref, “Peeep! Peeep!” thinks…”Maybe if I carry on trying to set the line-out, and look the other way the scary man will go away and leave me alone…”

With no response from Mr England, calm Keith fumed back to his technical area, the referee continued to ignore the scary man, the ref assessor was seen cowering in the back of the stand and the game continued…

Another full set of awards for this week, the nod from boss man Keith went to hooker Hazzy who was instrumental in the smooth running of the set-piece, and put in a fair shift in open play. Well done Hazzy, Chosen One for the week. Ladies Choice this week goes to a player who is in the (un)fortunate position of having hit such a run of good form, performing consistently well, influential in all areas of play that he would have to do something fairly spectacular and super-human to get the nod from boss man Keith, however, the lady we asked was suitably impressed, so well done to Dougie Crichton, another great game at 8.

Chump of the week is this time awarded outside the field of play to Tailsy who managed to sustain an injury while waving his flag on the touchline. He was seen receiving close personal attention for his groin strain from physio Graham.

Sunday 4th October saw the ladies heading to Murrayfield to play on the shiny new 4G pitch against current league and cup holders Murrayfield Wanderers. Hills narrowly missed out to Murrayfield last year, and the Edinburgh team have built quite a reputation over the past few years, so this was set to be quite a battle. The HillJills had a notable absence in Miss Hutchinson, but had trained hard through the week and were looking forward to some running rugby on the artificial pitch.

With some travelling support and both of our coaching team present the ladies set out to take the game to Murrayfield, to play the fast, disciplined, dominating style (attractive in a lady…?) they’ve been putting into pratice in the early season.

The game was tight from the offset, with some fantabulous defence from the Hill girls. Murrayfield seemed to be missing the threat and running lines of full-back Millard who made a move south of the border at the end of last season. Any ball they had was closed down quickly by the Hills backline, the fast line-speed putting their backs under pressure. Hills failed to capitalise on this pressure though, being, for wont of a better word, a bit saft in the breakdown, and failing to make as much turn over ball as they could have. Ball that was won appeared to be won on the back foot and, comfortable in their defensive stance and structure, Hills were slow to make go forward ball, making it easy for the Murrayfield defence.

The pack did well against their counterparts despite the early loss of hooker Wilko to a broken collarbone, a few blue lights and neenaws later she was hooked up with a sling and back to school, meantime a pack reshuffle left us a bit strapped in the back row with L-Dawg moving to tight-head, and Lucifer learning a new trade at hooker. Dawg, used to getting her bosh on at 8, dominated the front-row, making life difficult for their experienced loose-head who couldn’t compete, and eventually earned a sin-binning for her attempts. The scrum, strengthened at the front,won a few against the head, no mean feat (on paper…) against the Murrayfield personnel, but the Murrayfield back row did well in stifling any quick possession off the scrums.

Some awesome try saving tackles from centre Emma and full-back Hazel kept the HillJills uncrossed try-line intact. An incredible tackle from Haze on a rampaging Lana Blyth who stormed down the wing unfortunately saw her side-lined, a wee bit sparkled.

Jules did well under pressure from 10, spotting the weaknesses in the back 3 and putting in a few searching kicks, gaining the HillJills some ground. Unfortunately Hills failed to find a next gear, settled into a defending game, and while the defensive game was impressive, they lacked the spark needed to beat a challenging Murrayfield team.

Murrayfield did well in the loose,making the most of the new breakdown rules and winning some good turnover ball through Ruth and Lana. Confusion was rife as one of the Murrayfield internationals gave us a sneak preview of what may be a new secret Scotland penalty move as, from a quick tap she promptly ran 3m, turned round and stood presenting the ball to her team, despite not yet having encountered any opposition…

The eventual score line was 3-0, as scrumhalf Gilly slotted a penalty despite having allegedly been disabled by her opposite number. A disappointing show from HillJills, not maximising their chances, and a few things to work on for next time, Chosen One for the ladies that week, for great efforts and pressure in defence went to Emma McBride at 13, with a special mention also to Rachy Nic who was picked as Man of the Match by Murrayfield, she is all man after all…

The inflammatory match report later to appear on the Murrayfield webpage, now slightly edited, does nothing for their reputation in Scottish Women’s Rugby, it would be disappointing to think it reflected the attitudes of the Murrayfield Wanderers club.

Newsteam, of late, has been subject to a barrage of verbal complaints from their previously thought to be non-existant following. These have been taken on board, we cried a litte bit, cowered in a corner, wallowed in self-pity and can now offer only this defence- we had no idea anyone really read the blog. The silent redearship has spoken and “Hurry the F**k up!” is pretty much what they’ve said. Having previously dedicated ourselves to the more civilised, continental, manana style of reporting this may be a bit of a culture shock.

But hardhitting(not so much), accurate(again, not so much…) and on time(hopefully…) it’ll be. We’ll do our very bestest to deliver.

A final media stall as there really isn’t time right now…coming soon to a blog near you:

Ladies v Murrayfield Wanderers – a heart-breaking, injury-rife visit to the capital. An action-packed thriller with a strong moral message…

1st XV v Perthshire – Another exciting installment from Fortress Hughenden, with new talent on show and some commendable performances form the old favourites.

2nd XV v West – our first report from Cahoon’s tribe, battling in an unforgiving league.

Ladies v Edinburgh Uni- A more successful visit to the capital, with some incredible blink-or-you’ll-miss-it action from the speedshow on the wings.

1XV v Morgan – a high-scoring extravaganza from the Fortress, with a little bit of Hills magic sprinkled on top.

Ladies v Dundee Uni – Round off the uni teams, a good show at the Fort’ with the now famed chase and tackle from the speedshowssss.

Potted highlights of some others, plus Halloween action fom the Fortress.

C’est ca, for now. Back super-soon to actually really update some action.

Again, maybe a little too soon, the boys were off down the road to be beside the seaside, this time hosted by Irvine. Once again there was no glimpse of seaside, no ice-cream, no donkey-rides, no sunshine, but we did have an awfully good time…

Having opted, or maybes having been rail-roaded, into following Mitchell Snr. and ex-PC Mini who reportedly knew the way the minibus arrived with little time to spare, and will perhaps be sticking to their travelling Sat-Nav team in the future.

All decanted to the truly palatial Irvine changing rooms, for a quick turnaround and out onto the tropical Irvine turf. Tropical may be a slight exaggeration. It was in fact freezing, with blowyblowy wind, occassional hailstones and some jaggy cold rain, so well done to the travelling support who trooped down the road to cheer the boys on. Always much appreciated.

With a few changes from team that started the season Hills boys are having to regroup and perform under the pressure of injuries and suspensions, a difficult task for them under the high expectations of boss-man and the regular support who are still on the look out for something special.

Newsteam was definetely present, though was nearly blown away, by the gale force wind, not the astounding rugby, at points. Unfortunately our spying news reporter peepers were frozen and so the action, spied through the icy wind, is a little diluted and disjointed.

The wind put the dampeners on Hills expansive game, the weather and heavy itch being far better suited to the home sides close quarters stuffy forwards game, they were big and strong in the contact but tired quickly, Hills fitter more mobile pack quickly began to dominate. Captain Stu was quick and decisive in the contact area, producing some turnover ball, and DC at 8 worked tirelessly creating opportunities out among the backs and shoring up the Hills defences in the middle.

Haddon played well at scrum-half, annoying all the Irvine-ites enough to be stomped on, something of an accolade for a scrum-half we think? Cammy did well at 10, adapting his game to the windy conditions. Some way through the game Gaffer lost a contact, but ruled it too windy for a replacement, and played otu the subsequent quarter fairly well for a blind man. The boys adapted to the conditions well, and definitely proved the fitter of the two teams, running away with the game in the final 15 minutes, but there are still some things to work on. Ball retention, among the tight 5 particularly has been poorand inconsistent. Perhaps the bosh that is proving so effective in the lower leagues needs to be reigned in a bit? A little discipline and more concentration on these basics is needed to build the base for Hills to go from strength to strength.

The nod from Boss-man Keith this week, who appeared relatively calm in the circumstances, and may or may not have given a thumbs up, the wind quickly blew the thumbs to a middling so-so position, and that is what Newsteam will go with, anyways the nod for Chosen One went to Dougie Crichton who has been very impressive this past few weeks since securing the 8 slot. He’s raised his game, and while maybes a bit little compared to the previous candidates DC has bossed the back row, and been very effective off the back of scrums, and showed his pace and rugby genius linking well with the backs in open play. The quick feisty back row team of DC, Rosey and Fireman Stu is working well, providing the quick ball the backs need to work some magic.

So well done Dougie. Everyone is much impressed. And second award of Ladies Choice this week, for the second week running, from an entirely different lady, goes to Gus at the back who played well given the conditions, kicking under pressure, and runnign a bit more with ball in hand. Always a winner with the crowd.

Finally we have a Chump of the Week award, which is actually a story from Ardrossan, but given the proximity of the two, and the lack of notable hilarity Irvine we’ll bring it back up.

Aboard the bus, singular that week, the rabble of forwards lumped in with the show-ponies for the short trip south, a distinctive whiff wafted forward to the driver.

“What the bejesus is that smell?” said the driver, in words to that effect.

“Chicken broth! You want some?! do you, do you? I’ve got lots!” is kind of what the ever-excitable Rosey replied.

“Uh…no.” was the general sentiment returned.

So food for the journey had been opened before we were even in motion. There sat Rose-dawg with his tupperware box (an appropriate soup container? Questionable…) slurping away, when we took off from the Hughenden car park up the wee lane of pot-holey doom. The soup didn’t last much longer, splish-splash-splatter. The soupy decoration was not appreciated. Stuart, you chump, soup goes in a flask, and should generally be saved for those times in your life when you are not in motion. If you must eat, please make it solid, and preferably less odorsome…

A full set of awards, and home to Fortress Hughenden with a 27-3 win, where Buckfast club may well have taken place. More to come on this abomination of club culture.

Having got off to a flier, reports in early, real results, elements of truth in every story, Newsteam has fallen by the wayside. But not way, far far away wayside, just a little off-track maybe. Saveable.

Derby weekend, take two, saw Cartha Ladies- self-styled best team in Glasgow- visit Fortress Hughenden to play an on form HillJills team. After poor showing form the opposition last week the ladies really needed to kick off their season. With Cartha a somewhat unknown quantity, newbies to the league, the girls were well up for a big game.After a good weekend of training with great numbers and competition for places Hills took to the Hallowed Turf all guns blazing under the care of new show-pony coach Chris Reid.

Off to a stunning start Hills very quickly went into the lead through their speedy-speederson winger Moggs, and so the floodgates opened. With some hard-hitting girls Cartha made it hard work, but Hills did well showing offtheir pace and organisation in the backs, and working hard in defence to stifle any threat from Cartha. Jules controlled the game, as ever, from 10, making use of the spaces out wide and the weaknesses in the Cartha back 3 to gain the girls some ground.

Dawgville bossed the scrums from 8, making a few good plays with her backrow, and all the backrow linked well with the centres, moving the contact outwith the reach of the less mobile Cartha pack. Rach had a good game at 9 keeping the forwards organised and working well, with some quality quick ball for Julie to work with.

Apart from these generals there was mild upset on the pitch as black eyes were doled out by Hills…to Hills…not quite the accesorizing planned for the evening. Worries also for the HillJills as Joanie was taken early by a blade of grass, or maybe a wee divet, sniper attacked, and screamed. Like a girl. Joanie and screaming is a seldom heard combination at Fortress Hughenden, so we wish her a speedy recovery and hope to see her back on show at the Fort in the not too distant future.

Enough of the rugby chat, the game finished 60-0, with scores from manymany different folks, all things considered Chosen One was a joint award to our flying wingers, little Pup and Moggs who looked dangerous throughout the game in attack and pressured the Cartha backs at every opportunity. So well done ladies, looking good for the season ahead, just need to get some speed sessions on the go so the rest of the girls can keep up.

Also, muchos gracias to Chris from the girls, for taking the reins in the absence of Kitch. Quite an experience wethinks when you come into the changing rooms to some girly dancey chooons, to calls of, “Don’t worry guys, noone’ll catch me, I fake-tanned last night, they’ll slide right off!” I don’t imagine the boys banter even comes close…

And so to the real fun, bank holiday weekend means bank holiday drinkies for the ladies, unfortunately man of the house, Kitchener, was absent and Chris, King of the Show-ponies, bailed post-match, so the ladies were left to entertain themselves. Sunday night Shenanigans ensued, with dresses and high heels and everything, just like real girls. HRL was seen sporting some red dancing shoes under her trackies for all of 2 minutes, even taking a few baby steps in them. She’ll learn…

Fun and games, table dancing, iPodddddding, Get-Nakeds, mingling with the regulars, with a bit of recruitment thrown in (the Hills cause is never closed for business) topped off with a sprinkling of Viper, some podium dancing- for podium read “the wee step next to the DJ”, when you’ve got some HillJill shapes to throw there’s little need for a podium- DirtyDancing leaps, with a fairly significant element of danger, and…many more things.

A good night all round, funtimes had by all. Onward to Wandies,which has been and gone. And more to say tomorrow…

Imagine the pain, torment and disappointment that was felt when, having finally got round to writing a bit of action for the blog, all my very best words disappeared right in front of my eyes. How awful.

And so there is no more, for the moment. When the anger has passed and the creative flow returned some more nearly-trues will appear…in the order of Ladies vs Cartha, Boyos vs Irvine, Ladies vs Murrayfield, many gems to report…