The Hills Blog

The boys hosted Livingston on 17th Jan, winning 36-10 . I was lost somewhere in an enormous pile of coursework so didn’t see the game, but am reliably informed Chris Tulloch played well and is Chosen One for the week. Otherwise the game wasn’t much to write home about…with my investigative reporter hat on I canvassed some analysts (of the entirely unprofessional variety) and general opinion was they look like they could be good, but need a bit more fire in them.
The 2’s are still doing well, and under the charge of the silver bullet Cahoon are well worth watching. The ladies had a fabulous Sunday beating Royal High in Edinburgh, so, Royal High, Done! Home and Away, go ladies! Some speedy blogger has beaten me to it with the details, none of which I knew anyway so it’s probably for the best.
Saturday night saw a good turn out to the club race night, good to see a varied crowd in parting with their cash, but there were still a lot of faces missing, get your behinds down to the club, bring anyone and everyone, there’s plenty fun to go round. Daddy-rosey put on a good show, entertaining the masses with back-to-front Bingo, and a hilarious game of Higher or Lower. Apparently Bruce Forsyth isn’t big outside of the UK, and “Shake your shammy” doesn’t translate well. Not even, surprisingly, if you say it LOUDLY and slooooooowwwwwwwllly into a microphone…the poor girl did admirably and lost out on the final card.
The bookies table of Gaffer, McMillan and Muzza were toe-tapping all night and did a grand job.
I personally won a grand total of £4 which I promptly lost on a lame camel. Here’s to fundraising, it’s like robbery, but in a fun way. A good stash of cash raised, but still not enough. Next up to add to the pot is: Hughenden’sgotstarsintheirxfactoreyesfameacademypopidoltalentextravaganza! which is open to all. We are the stuff of dreams. We know you’re all fabulous rugby players, and tip-top banter boys and girls, now show off your other talents…a number of high profile acts have already secured their spot on the playlist for the night.
Joe and Cammy were getting some unfortunately public practice in on the Kareoke with a 2009 take on Dr Jones, the Aqua(?) “Classic”. It is amazing how singing can be physically painful, it’s like your dying on the inside, but you just can’t tear yourself away from the horror. So get practicing, enter your act, and let’s party like it’s 1999!

Sunday saw the Hill ladies return to league action for the first time since November. Welcomed back into the squad were international try scorer Heather ‘the danger’s over there’ Lockhart fresh from her exploits with Scotland and Susie ‘it’s all about the averages’ Brown, returning to the Hills team after injury. Missing from the line up was Rebekah Sibnlar who will be sorely missed after returning to her native Australia to commence University. The ladies were looking to complete their first ever double victory against Royal high after winning the first game between the sides 24-12 at Hughenden back in October.

Hills lost the toss and were forced to play into the strong wind and heavy rain. Good work from the kick off allowed Irish squad member and Hills no.10 Julie Craig to put in a testing kick instantly pressuring the RHC full back. A fantastic chase and follow up tackle from Lizzy ‘Ferguson’ Willis saw the no. 15 spill the ball only for up to be scooped up by inside centre Johnson who dove over for the score in the corner. The wide angle proved a little tough for resident kicker and all round utility player Kerry Armstrong. 0-5.

Hills continued to pressure in what was a predictably forward orientated match and shared the majority of the possession in the first half. Good work including strong ball carries from Heather and hooker Kate ‘Wilko’ Wilkinson forced play deep into the home sides 22. No.8 Brown pressured well from the ruck and charged down and attempted clearance kick pouncing on the lose ball to extend the Hills lead to 10-0. Once again the wide angle would prove just too much for Armstrong.

Loss of this second score seemed to spur the home team into action, this was also assisted by the introduction of second row and Scotland Stalwart Lee Cockburn who shored up the scrum increasing the pressure on the Hills pack although the front row ‘dream team’ of Heather, Wilko and Lindsey ‘Smithers’ Smith held up well. Current Scotland Captain and RHC no.7 proved a constant thorn in the visitors’ side with her good work at the breakdown. This period of pressure was converted to points after Hills were slow to spot the lack of cover on the open side RHC no. 10 Tanya Griffith rounded the corner of the defence to draw her side back to within 5 points. Conversion missed. 5-10.

Into the second half, with both teams aware of the significance of the result, tempers became a little frayed. Second row Catherine managed to get into a ‘disagreement’ with the biggest member of the opposition but was swiftly informed by Armstrong (who appeared a little disappointed she hadn’t got into the ‘disagreement’ herself) that we ‘had her back’.

What followed was the best move of the game after the Hills pack finally managed to provide some clean ball for their back line. Scrum-half Caroline fed Craig who threw a delightful pass behind the centre pairing of Johnston and Boag to full back Belinski who was supported well by winger Sarah ‘Canada’ Toom. Good scramble defence saw the move halted but highlighted the work the back line has been putting in at training.

After a period where possession had swapped hands several times the visitors forced themselves into the opposition half and were awarded a penalty wide on the right on the 22m line. Up stepped Armstrong who confidently knocked the ball through the centre of the uprights putting the game beyond the reach of the home side. 5-13.

The last remaining minutes of the game were spent with both teams reduced to 14 players. The Hills player ‘taking one for the team’ was Smith who was punished for being offside after the team had previously been warned. Perhaps in the future she may think twice before going mountain climbing then launching herself onto an opposition 9.

Special mention of the day goes to Charlie Lewis who played her first game at back row. The former no.12 had a fantastic game on the flank, got involved in everything and proved a strong ball carrier. She was awarded player of the match for her efforts. Leading from the front as ever was Captain ‘danger’ Lockhart who was recognised by the opposition. The tee-totaler had to nominate someone to drink her pint for her so up stepped the youngster Boag.

The Ladies are back on home soil this Sunday with a fixture against Dundee University, ko.2pm.

Do they know it’s Christmas time at aaaaaaaaaall?!
FEEED THEEEEE WUUUUURRRLLD!
Festive cheer all round, banter has been high at Hughenden the last couple of weeks. Cheer is spreading in the world of Hills.
Last week saw the big brain quiz challenge, with such questions as “What is quiz master Cammy’s favourite monster?” the display of intellect really was astounding. Quiz master Cammy caused considerable upset to the fabulous green team by refusing to accept their answers because he couldn’t read the writing, then accepting Golden as a colour. Golden? Golden…?! It’s a mockery of a farce of a ridiculous sham. He has lowered considerably in my estimation.
The winners of the quiz were unclear…but the winners of the mystery cash prize were the oldies at the back with Kitch in his dress triumphing over Quiz Master Murray in the rock paper scissors “Ladies’ challenge” event. Murray had built himself up for the challenge, Dumfries and Galloway champion donchaknow, and was clearly deflated after his defeat. He was unavailable for comment. Second winner of the night in a controversial interpretation(again by quiz master Cammy…) of the crowd cheer-o-meter was Cammy Kerr, who took on David Armstrong in a slightly disturbing, semi-naked dance off. The dancing did not compare to that on show at Miss Hughenden, the boys clearly hadn’t had time to limber up. Ching Mai is the only dance off-er for me.
The Ladies retired for a little contemplation and debate in the maze of the changing rooms, stories told, punishments handed out, Birthday girl Caroline was a little off colour after manfully keeping her birthday drink down.
The fun stopped there for those who were working, but continued into the night with sunshine mountain singing drinking dancing and fun. The hillhead rumour mill will happily provide any further details if needed…
Some days passed, and then it was Sunday, wind down/up for Christmas with the coaches Christmas party. Yay for Sunday drinking. A good turn out at the club with festive spirit and mingling and cheer, BBQ, drinkies, and mini-vinnie laying down some mean beatz with his choooonmachine. All set for a wild night…
Some moments of the night…
Stuggy in his hat. Brokeback Mountain anyone…?
Laaaaaydeees dancing- the only ones as per usual, mini-vinnie catering for the interesting music tastes. But rugby laydeeees dancing to Womaniser…really, people will wonder, whack a bit of Katy Perry on and seal the deal…:P
The “Wilk-millan” combo, after a shameless display of married style cringe worthy action at the last club meeting, were on fine form again… “Oh, Cascaaaaahhhda, you like this one.” Byker Grove meets royalty, can be seen at Hughenden, pearls and all.
The singing…it should not happen. Feeeeeeeeeed the woooooorrrld. 3 times, probably without getting the words right…
Some knee-slide action. “Hahaha….God, I’m a mother!” is always what you want to hear from someone throwing themselves across the dancefloor on their knees.
Keithy’s air guitar. Mwahaha.
And what did we learn from the night? Tomato Ketchup is the only condiment to be seen in this season. And rubbing it into hair with paper towels…? Quick fix dreadlocks, that matted look with a tang of vinegar,mmmm… “Just hug her Kitch, that’ll be more help.”
Still out we went, banter was had, and laugh, laugh, laugh all the way home…via M&S at 4 in the morning, shout out and various big up ma homies hollers to Christine who served us. Bent double panting with laughter in the aisles we managed to spend a ridiculous amount of money on our shopping list of treacle tarts, crunchy nuts, prawns, More magazine, sandwiches and discos…and other assorted items. My shopping partner tried to bring Christine into the Christmas cheer…”Want a pakora?”- I’m not allowed, but thanks…what, are they watching? What if I put it in your mouth for you? Then they can’t do anything…hehe.Trundled home, posted a wee Christmas present and off to bed eventually. Goooooooooodnight.
Highlights of the night, anything to add?

In the last game of the year Hills trooped down to Garnock and came home with a win. Newsteam doesn’t do Away but has been scouting for information, and is reliably informed that the Christmas chosen one- rather like Jesus, the original Christmas chosen one, except less Holy, and with less donkeys and none of that manger stuff going on- was Donald Pitkethly. With a good game at 8, a (probably) fantabulous try, and a very good name, Pitkethly is a deserving winner. Chosen one, what more could a boy want for Christmas?
For more rugby type info go read the match report. I did, and got quickly confused. What is a goal in rugby…a conversion? And how can a try, 2 goals and 2 penalties add up to 25? Aaaaand why, oh why, does “Hills” always have to be in quotation marks, as if it’s a hilarious nickname. Reading the match report you have to do those silly little rabbit ear quote mark fingers every time you read the word. Hills hillls hills. Gaaaah. It’s just not practical.
So that’s rugby all wrapped up till Christmas, then the Hippos play at home on the 27th and maybesmaybes there’s a tournament at Cartha that day too. So munch and crunch and drink up all the Christmas fun then come watch some oldies exerting themselves, make you feel a whole lot better about yourself

Hills match against Edinburgh Uni was notable for many reasons however the predominant one was the appearance of baby Abby who was taking in her first ever Ladies rugby match (the luck devil!). The newest member of Team Hills seemed please with the effort exhibited by the squad who, despite being plagued by illness and injury, posted a 24-0 victory.

Once again at home, the ladies worked hard to produce the kind of form shown during the Aberdeen victory. Fiona Reardon was back in her familiar front row role shoring up the scrum on the tight head side and debutant Cat worked hard on the wing offering herself up in both attack and defence. Without doubt, standout performer was Kirsty Meredith who shone from the open side flank. Her lines of running and desire to break the gain line set up most of the Hills ladies attacks. Her efforts were rewarded with a brace of tries. Other mentions must go to Lindsey ‘Smithers’ Smith and Steph Johnston who played despite bad illnesses.

Susie Brown, watching from the stands, commented ‘the girls worked hard to pull off a good win against a dogged and determined Edinburgh Uni side. I was highly impressed with the entire squads work rate today. Kitch has been working the girls hard at training and it is showing come game time.’

The Ladies are back in action at Hughenden on the 25th January.

Kirkcaldy v. Hills

Hills went down to an organised Kirkcaldy side 31-10 at Beveridge Park. On a day when many first choice players were unavailable, the Hills Ladies put in a good shift only to suffer after losing the inspirational Julie Craig to a bad head knock.

The first half was a tight affair with honours even at the whistle. The hills try came from Craig, who stepping into the no.9 jersery for the day picked and went from a ruck, rounding 3 players to touch down to the right of the uprights.

HT 5-5.

Hills managed one more score in the second half from Hazel Belinski but Kirkcaldy made their man advantage count after the break to come out eventual winners.

Player of the match was awarded to Fiona Reardon for her outstanding tackle count.

NB. Saturday night pub golf is now banned before any Hills games………

Hills v. Aberdeen

Still reeling from their loss to Kirkcaldy the Hills Ladies set about their tie against Aberdeen with purpose which showed in a one sided game where the home team ran out 45-0 winners.

Torrid conditions, including a one-minute silence in a hail storm, meant the girls had to work hard for every score.

Back on their beloved home pitch the backs took their turn to show the forwards how it was done by clocking up 6 of the teams 7 tries. The home side opened strongly with full-back Hazel in devastating form notching up a hat-trick early on. Further scores came from Lizzie ‘me quit? Never’ Willis, Charlie Lewis and Steph Johnston who was once again deputising at no.10 in the absence of Craig. The solitary contribution to the score sheet from the forwards came from Lindsey ‘Smithers’ Smith who playing back at no.8 showed everyone (including a certain crocked no.8 watching from the stand) how it should be done.

Five of the teams tries were converted by the every reliable boot of Kerry Armstrong.

Players of the match were awarded to Lizzie Willis and Caroline Muellenbroich.

Heather ‘the danger’s over there’ Lockhart commented after the match ‘this was a great performance in tough conditions, everything clicked from the beginning of the warm-up to the final whistle. I’m very proud of all the girls’ efforts’.

In the library, at 6.30 am, is the wrong place, and definitely the wrong time. Really, it is bed time, well almost getting up time actually…getting up time should be preceded by lots of hours sleep, it’s getting-up-out-of-bed time, not getting-up-off-your-rolly-chair in the library time. It’s all the wrong way up.

Being in the library at night time though has its advantages…there’s hardly anyone here, and the ones who are all seem to have radios…I suspect I’m the only one not being paid to be here, so there isn’t the usual people watching distraction. There is no food. If I fell asleep they might think I’d died. I can’t see out the window. Playing the helicopter game would make me look even more sad than I already do, and possibly make me look like a little hobo who has nowhere else to go…combined with my fingerless(height of fashion, I’d say…) mittens I’d probably be pitched out onto the street to be homeless elsewhere. A Caley matric card can only get you so far…and that’s not very far as it is.

Sooo, my ever present list of things to do that aren’t my project has been narrowed down- no napping, no eating, no talking, no people watching , no TV, no snow to watch…or rain, or just general outsideness, no shopping, no helicopter game for fear of being evicted…the list exhausted I was forced to do some project work. A cunning plan…but it’s all been too much, it’s cold, I’m sleepy, and it’s almost late/early enough that I can safely walk home without being accosted or eaten or chased or kidnapped or stabbed or bitten by a fox, or other nighttime creature/beast, or any other such Glasgow danger.

Over and out, home to bed safe, for a little while…

Some dates for the diary for December:
13th- 1st and 2nd XV at home to Dunfermline, come down early for some rugby banter, then up to the bar after for some good clean quiz time fun. Max of 6 per team, fantabulous prizes and fun to be had. Hill Jills laydeeeees have no game so will be out for some Christmas time shenanigans. Get yourself a team and come show off your brains. Whoever tried to chat up a certain young lady with the opening line “I got 5 A’s you know…” will be expected to be there with bells on. Newsteam will be watching…

21st- Coaches Christmas night, kicking off with a BBQ at 5pm- winter is the new summer when it comes to BBQ’s- and a disco after from 6ish. Skyplus the antiques roadshow, Hughenden’s the only place to be on a Sunday night.

Then into the New year and X-factorstarsintheireyespopidolhughenden’sgottalent is coming round again, so get your groove on, think up an act and get practicing. The standard last year was…incroyable, fabulous, possibly unbeatable…the challenge is on. Singing, dancing, comedy, talent, show us what you’ve got. Details to follow.

In other news “things to do that aren’t my honours project” is my new favourite list. Topping it at the mo is the helicopter game. Simple things for simple minds…I’ve topped out at 1444, which is probably a bit rubbish. Go have fun:)
http://www.addictinggames.com/helicopter.html

Afraid I don’t know how to do all the shizzlenizzle geeky code stuff…copy and paste is the only way.

On a freeeeeezing cold Saturday Hills played host to Morgan. After a couple of losses away from home, and now with the second half of the fixture list underway Hills had to pick up their game back at fortress Hughenden to stay secure in the top half of the table. After a disappointing loss to Morgan early in the season, and injuries to some influential players in the last few weeks- notably Captain Cammy with a broken something or other in the hand region, and Marty Lane with a broken jaw- the pressure was on.
Stuart Ross took on the Captaincy at back row, with Rosey filling Cammy’s boots at No 8. What the crowd for the day lacked in quantity they more than made up for in quality, the 2’s game having been cancelled, a lot of boys stuck around to watch, absent Captain Cammy also showed up plastered(har…har…) to cheer on his boys.
Hills got off to a flyer, with pressure on immediately, Morgan seemed stunned, failed to respond and after some…passing and running and stuff Chris Tulloch, recently returned to the squad, dived over with typical 2nd row elegance to score in the corner. Play quickly returned to the Morgan line, Morgan’s captain’s choice words having failed to rally the troops, Hills scored again.
And so it continued…Morgan’s No 8 taking their only points, and towards the end of the game seemed to be the only Morgan man up for the challenge. Memorable incidents were some good running from Robbie Williamson at centre, selfless work from Davey at scrum half, good show by Rosey at 8 till he went off with a shoulder injury, Haddon on the wing showed a bit of spark and very nearly puked on Graham physio- better luck next time Haddon, just try and aim a wee bit…buuuuut all things considered chosen one of the week is…Coach Keith.
There was slight evidence of Keith angry face and, as per, Newsteam were slightly afraid of looking him in the eye pre-match. We mixed it up a bit this week and found ourselves a seat in the stand from where you can see all the coachy stuff that goes on between Keith and Grant- not as easy as it looks apparently, with all the shouting and hand actions and jumping around and rage, rather them than me…so, with new found insight into tactics, decision making, and all the bits that go on at the side of the pitch. Keith is the chosen one, with Grant a close second.
Good game to watch, well done to all the boys, hopefully carried over as they go down to Ardrossan on Saturday. Good Luck to all.

On a wintery weekend the boys played host to Cartha, all the way from the sunny southside. The mighty hills conquered after a bit of a scrappy start, showing off some silky skills in the second half. A good game to watch, with a bit more of a crowd than there has been recently. Chosen one of the week is Cammy Kerr who lead from the front and has been looking pretty nippy recently. All the boys played well, bringing it together towards the end- setting them up for a good night of golfing around the west end.
Aside from the main event was another club fundraiser with fancy dress pub golf teeing off from the club after the game. Some good fancy dress on show, including some well worn golden shoes on Dan the man who can…luckily the fashion police had a night off, is this really what the kids are wearing these days? The groups set off on a staggered start with the A-team off first where Kitch quickly took charge, throwing in the odd short-cut and taking a few for the team…possibly to his detriment. 3 pints of guiness in 5 minutes? No problem…Ally J was seen brandishing real golf clubs around the course- I’m sure people are arrested for less in Glasgow, but the perma tan and sparkly whitened teeth get him away with all sorts.
We all caught up in Lebowski’s, some in better form than others, where calls of cheating emerged, one group, apparently under the care of a certain James Bond, were made to down water at one hole. Bet they were all glad to be in his team, don’t call him Funtimes for nothing…
Some of the sensible(read lightweight) coaching staff vetoed the golf going straight to the 9th hole, all were on fine form when we got there. It was quite an eventful night for some, one of the GU ladies faceplanting the pavement outside and some less than tasteful decorating along the route. I’ve heard reports, though had a quiet night myself.

Reports are needed for the traumatising event that was little miss Hughenden. It is still painfully etched on my memory, reports to follow…